It’s been about 6 weeks since I’ve blogged about our journey, and that’s because I tried really hard to focus on the “now” and just enjoy time with Molly. I found myself becoming addicted to Googling her symptoms, estimating how much more time we’d have with her, imagining both the best and the worst… And I decided that I needed to “be more dog” and get out of that space in my head! There’s nothing wrong with being educated, of course, but when it becomes borderline obsession (and takes away from time with our Molly girl), I knew I needed a break. I’ve still been checking in here and there, reading forums and blogs, but I think it was important for us to be together as a family and not think about the “what ifs.”
That said, bad news has driven me back to a need to write it all out. We started Molly on carboplatin, her chemotherapy, two weeks after the amputation. She had one treatment on 6/18 and the second on 7/13. Both went without major complications — the first one made her throw up so we administered anti-nausea medication prior to the second, which helped a lot; and in the weeks following the treatment her platelet count was a bit low, but not enough to adjust the carbo dosage. Our third treatment, alongside a chest scan to see how the lung mets were behaving, was scheduled for this morning. We were really antsy to get this set of x-rays done, especially since over the past week Molly’s breathing had become more labored at night . I would wake up at 1 or 2am and hear Molly wheezing and ‘huffing’ as she slept on her side. I went back to Google (ugh) and found a slew of possibilities… I even read about famous Tripawd Jerry’s situation, where they found that the mets were pressing his windpipe while he slept on the affected side. I tried to convince myself that it could be allergies or the summer heat and just waited as patiently as I could for today’s appointment.
Unfortunately, the scans showed that the nodules we knew about had grown, and that additional ones have appeared. The carboplatin has not been effective for Molly’s cancer. We immediately stopped the carboplatin and moved to Cytoxan, which is an oral chemo medication. Pending her full blood work, she’ll start that this afternoon. We also found some fluid in her chest and some indications of pneumonia; we have antiobiotics to help with the latter. The fluid is currently not enough to aspirate so we will have to keep a close eye on her breathing… If things get worse, we’ll head back to get her chest tapped. In a month, assuming all is “well,” we’ll get another chest scan to see if there’s any update (paws crossed!).
When I logged into Tripawds this morning after receiving the news from CSU, I read a few updates about dogs with osteosarcoma who recently came back with clean chest scans. I can’t tell you how incredibly happy I am for those pups and their parents because I know how badly we hoped for better news than what we got today. I (and Jordan) am also really angry that the carbo didn’t work for Molly. Do we regret moving forward with the treatment we chose? Of course not, because we would have never known if it would have worked or not. But, it is the hardest thing to feel like you have no control over a problem that you ache so badly to fix.
We’re not going to take our eyes off the goal of giving Molly the best possible quality of life over the coming months (hopeful for at least that amount of time, and our oncologist today said that “months are a conservative estimate”). Per usual, we are really grateful to have this forum — even if we abandoned it for a bit — to share our story and be encouraged by others.
XO,
Kirby, Jordan, & Molly
Kirby, I don’t have any words of wisdom, as we are only a few weeks behind you in this journey (my Ollie’s amputation was mid-May) — but I wanted to post in solidarity. “Being more dog” is much easier said than done — don’t be hard on yourself for the time you spend worrying. It’s impossible not to.
It is also natural to feel angry — as well you should. Molly deserves better than osteosarcoma — all dogs do. It is OK to resent being dealt a crappy hand sometimes — I just hope you are able to balance that with enjoying happy moments your sweet girl.
I am holding you, Jordan and Molly in my thoughts and hoping for the best. I wish there were something more I could do or say. Sending lots of love your way.
I’m sorry you’ve had bad news. You’re right to feel cheated. But you’re also right that you just need to focus on the here-now. That is what Molly is doing! And don’t feel badly about abandoning the forums for a bit. There are only so many hours in the day and we’d all rather you were spending them w/ Molly!
This is hard to read today. We u derstand your emotions better than most can. And we certainly understand the need to get away from obsessive googling and from our website so you can just focus on savoring every second with Molly…sweet, adorable Molly!!
And we absolutely understand being happy for dogs who get good results from treatment….AND….the bone deep wish that “our” dogs could also get good results too! I’m really glad you were able to post your emotions today…it’s important on so many levels.
A couple of things to focus on though that may help you stay in the MOMENT with Molly!!
First of all, your love for Molly is soooo strong you WILL be able to continue to enjoy your time together as worry free as possible because you love her so much!! Molly KNOWS how loved she is and that is all that matters!!
Right now, Molly is by your side and she is not letting ANYTHING interfere with her time with you!!! She isn’t worried about a thing and xrays don’t mean squat ro her!!!!! Nothing has changed in Molly’s world!!!!!
Y ou are moving forward with some good treatment options and really staying on top of things as best you can.
In Molly’s world it’s about quality time with you. She’s not interested in calendars, prognosis or anynof that “stuff”. As mich as you loved and spoiled Molly Moose “before”, I can almost guarantee she has been even more spoiled and more loved these past two months than you ever thought possible!!
You have given her…AND ARE CONTINUING TO GIVE HER more ti e for treats, tummy rubs, drive thru burgers (with cheese),ice cream and steak! Yes! Ice cream and steak every few days …with pictures!!!
I’m certainly no vet, but I think you will probably see some improvement in her breathing once she gets rid of that pneumonia. Even IF…IF…the breathing pattern isn’t quite perfect, it may just be slightly “uncomfortable”, but certainly not painful and not taking away from her quality time with you!
When my Happy Hannah’s “met” showed up on the xray, the vet said it was “the size of a baseball”!!!!
And you know what. We had THE most GLORIOUS extended time together and not o e second was wasted on anything but loving and spoiling! And when her sympto s became more apparent,we were STILL ab@e to get more quality time throwing in a little Prednisone and Tramadol!!
Thank you for having the courage to post today. I’m really glad you did because you are able to see Molly still has a lot .ore living to do! Just ask JERRY, HAPPY HANNAH and SASSY!!! Sassy wasn’t able to complete all her chemo either because of mets, but got an additional seven months of spoiling and loving regardless!!
Sending you love and lots of hugs! Now don’t forget the steak and ice cream for Molly!!
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!
Thinking of you. .sending healing thoughts and prayers…we’re going through very similar issues and emotions with Pete. Savor the time and spoil! ♡